Soooooooo.... it's exactly 30 days (EST, this is set to Rome already) until one of the most epic parts of my entire life is going to commence and to be honest... I'm not sure.
Now, no doubt that I'm elated at the thought of studying for not just a semester but an entire school year in Europe and there's absolutely no doubt that I'm truly blessed for the opportunity but...I'm not sure if architecture is really what I want to do with my life when I get out of college. I mean, creating and piecing together usable space that I, as well as my friends, family, countrymen and those after me can be proud of and enjoy for generations to come, that'd be cool. Hell, who am I kidding? It'd be freaking awesome. But I don't know if it really is for me.
The problem with this is that... I don't really feel a pull towards anything else. I love being an architect student. I love my friends that I've made through the past few years because of it. I love the long nights and the hard work, the encouraging smiles and I love the love I feel doing such magical things with my hands and being with such inspirational people; friends, teachers and random people included. I love the atmosphere and I love the work. But I feel like I need something... more. There's something missing. And I don't know if it's because I have some anxiety about going through this torturous (admit it, we’re just masochists) training just to be something else. I'm always thinking that I'm going to be like my parents and study one thing in college and end up doing something else. My Dad studied Electrical Engineering and look at him! He's a Martial Arts Teacher for crying out loud! I don't even know if he's EVER used his degree at all!
I do know however, that the skills he got from engineering classes were transferable and he uses those. So at the very least I know that if I continue in architecture and not become an architect, I'll have transferable skills. I'll know how to present my thoughts and ideas to others in a formal manner. I'll know how to draw and paint much better than most people ever will. I'll know how to look at the big picture and at the same time pay attention to the details. I already know how to stay up for two days straight after only 3 hours sleep for the past few nights and still manage to be considerably sane. All good skills to have. The others, more so than the last one, unless you're wanted by the FBI or something.
So again, I'm just really anxious that this might not be what I want to do after college. That's really my main fear about this year. I don't want to waste this experience just because this major might not be right for me.
But I tell you what... I'm not going to regret this experience. It's going to be absolutely fantastic, I know it. It's going to change my life, hopefully for the better. It's going to open new doors for me, academically, socially, spiritually, emotionally, culturally, and all of the other kinds of 'ly's you can imagine. I'm going to travel all through Europe during the breaks and weekends but I'm not going to forget to travel through the same country that I am so blessed to be studying in. I'm going to be open to new experiences, I'm not going to be afraid of making friends like I usually am. There's no time for that. I only get two semesters in Rome.
When most student want these kinds of experiences they only get a single semester... I get two! I can't waste it. I'm here for a reason and I'm going for a reason. God has plans for me and though I don't know what they are, I just know they're right for me. I wouldn't have randomly chosen architecture out of everything else if there wasn't a good reason for it. And I do love architecture... I think... maybe I just need to be more open about it and explore more.
One of my good friends wrote a blog too today and her message was to "be used." Too often I worry about my future and lately I've been running into a lot of stuff to just "let go and let God." Cheesy line for some maybe, but maybe it's just the truth. Maybe I should let go of my worries and fears and just let God handle this. If I wasn't meant to be here, then why am I here? I have to trust in the Lord and He will guide my feet. Maybe I should surrender myself to God...and architecture.
Okay, Peace for Now,
Erika
P.S. VISA IS IN! AND MY PAPERS! OH YA!
P.P.S. Oh my this post is long...
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